Trauma and Abuse
Trauma happens when we experience an event that threatens our very survival. The physical or emotional shock overwhelms us.
Trauma reactions can happen to anyone: men, women and children. Your reactions to trauma do not measure how 'strong' you are.
Trauma can come from things as obvious as a tsunami or a bank robbery, and also from experiencing domestic violence, emotional, sexual and mental abuse, or the death of loved one. You don't have to die or be physically injured to experience trauma.
Signs and symptoms of trauma or abuse include:
High anxiety, depression, irritability, anger, uncontrollable rage, addictions, insomnia, nightmares, trauma flashbacks, easily startled, fearfulness, phobias, being highly emotional or emotionally 'flat', low self-esteem, lack of confidence, a sense of the world as random & meaningless, lack of purpose, lack of creativity, low energy, pessimism, eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, inability to form and sustain close and loving relationships, and problems with intimacy.
On a physical level, some people report nausea or a sense that their skin 'crawls', and they jump at noises and hate being in crowds. You may experience headaches, skin eruptions, heart palpitations, loss of energy and memory.
All of these are normal responses to abnormal events.
Traumatic events challenge and disturb our view of the world as a just and secure place. Many people have a sense that if they play by 'the rules' then they and the people they love will be safe. When a traumatic event like a car accident, a terminal illness, death, divorce, a house fire or a natural disaster strikes, then our sense of safety is demolished. Healing from trauma involves constructing a meaning for this event so that we can recover our trust in life.
When faced with a life-threatening situation, we can experience three common responses:
- fight
- flight
- freeze
But we can get locked into these trauma reactions, and they can continue long after. Other situations can trigger the same reactions. The classic example is a war veteran whose trauma reaction is fight. The uncontrollable anger he experiences can erupt as road rage or domestic violence. Someone locked into a flight reaction will continually flee from uncomfortable or confronting situations - even when it's to their advantage to stand up for themselves and fight to be heard. This pattern of avoidance can lead to addictions.
The freeze reaction usually happens when neither fight nor flight is possible. You freeze like a deer in the cross-hairs.
Fight, flight and freeze are responses that come directly from a very old part of our brains. That part dates back to the reptiles. They are primary responses. Following them is a fourth, that comes from the social, mammalian part of our brain: the appease response. This is when we try to talk our way out or behave in a way that will please the predator and help us survive.
The appease reaction often happens in women who experience domestic violence. Instead of leaving, they stay, and try desperately to figure out how to behave so that the violence stops.
